pretty weekend finds.

have beautiful weekend.

what will you be doing?

KATHRYN.

free spirit.

i am 19 and i...

blow bubbles. in my room sometimes.

have a "people to avoid" list in my contacts.

have special names (usually rude ones) for people i don't like in my contacts.

laugh at people.

never wear matching socks.

dance around on the kitchen floor in my stocking feet.

sing like a diva throughout the house.

read picture books.

play pretend.

sometimes don't listen.

wear red lipstick without other make up and without hair done.

am loud.

eat more food than i should.

lose weight even after large food consumptions. (don't ask me how).

kiss up.

have a messy bedroom.

watch Madeline.

bulid forts in the front room.

play brides with the little neighbor girls.

hate dating.

play with chalk.

write songs about people i don't like.

judge a book by it's cover.

chase butterflies.

daydream.

still want to play with bath toys.

i really don't act my age.

i should.

but that's boring.

here's to the wild ones.

KATHRYN.

hello, world!

for over a month I was dreadfully ill. never in my life had i ever been that sick for that long. crazy month. i'm well now. and i feel like this:

(well, i don't look like this, but I feel just as free and happy).

hello, world!

I was so tired this morning, I laughed deliriously while putting on my socks and shoes saying "it's funny that we do this." - Josh Groban.

well, being sick for three weeks straight hasn't been all that fun, but I've discovered some ups:

one: i am losing weight. and rapidly. with a a sore throat, nothing really sounds desirable unless it's ice cream, smoothies or tea. and i don't like sugar, so i go with the tea. my goal of 20 pounds weight loss will soon be achieved.

two: ...

actually, the only up I've found is losing weight. everything else is scum.

yay, for losing weight!

how healthy is it to have 11 ibuprofens, 16 baby aspirins, two cups of thera flu and 20 cough drops in 24 hours? because i feel very funny right now. and last night, i had a mini heart attack because i thought i was color-blinded and my ears were ringing so i thought i was going deaf and would therefore be a Helen Keller for the rest of my days. i quickly turned on my phone to see the beautiful picture of NYC Ballet soloist Kathryn Morgan, who was wearing a lovely pink and black outfit. guess what. i wasn't color-blinded. because i saw the pink. wow, last night was a wild ride.

and this morning hasn't been any different.

the moment i saw this photo i fell in love with it. i don't know why. it's lovely, that's all.

no visitors today, please. i fear for my respected reputation.

thank you kindly.

KATHRYN.

does it ever stop?

ready for Spring.

sorry for the lack in posting. I've been dreadfully sick for three weeks. back to posting soon, darling friends.

so frustrated.

some people say I'm lost in life. that I haven't any direction and I'm confused. I've always been the girl with the crazy dreams and high expectations for me and my life. "okay" isn't good enough. "good" isn't good enough. and I'm not trying to chase after perfection, although, I do find myself doing that quite often. I know what I want. I know. and I always have. so, why does everyone see something different? 

I started to believe, that indeed, I am lost. what am I going to do with my life? there have been far too many nights crying myself to sleep, and mentally trying to piece my life together to the point that my head hurt. I would wake up, my eyes all puffy and swollen, and look at myself in the mirror. I don't know what I was trying to see. Perhaps I wanted to see a girl who had just awakened from some dreadful nightmare. I wanted to see the girl I've dreamed of becoming. Instead, I saw a girl who thought she was broken and who was lost. But, I realize now, that I wasn't really lost. Broken, yes. I do remember feeling broken. But not lost. 

I have known for years what I want. I know. Not just desire. It's something I know. It's a feeling I've never had before and something I couldn't describe even if I tried. And some people think I'm crazy, and I don't really tell anyone anymore. I don't care to tell them. I hate the disbelief in their voices and the doubt in their eyes. I guess it makes it all the more rewarding to prove them wrong, yes? 

It's not being confused with my life. It's simply feeling the incompetency to reach my dream. I am so frustrated right now. There are things holding me back, and I don't understand why I can't conquer them. They are, indeed, conquerable. It's the inadequacy that I'm struggling with. Why is it so hard for me to grasp certain things? Why? It's maddening. Because inside I know I can. I feel like there's this bubble inside me and it's wanting to explode, but it never does. If I am not any nearer to my dreams at age 20, I 'm afraid you'll have to send me to a mental hospital because I am becoming, essentially, insane.

I know what I want. don't mess with me.

KATHRYN.