no one ever told me how painful this would be.
i thought it would be simple. i didn't prepare myself for this feeling of loneliness. i feel intensely alone. no one ever told me i'd feel this way. so lost, so confused, i'm not sure who i am anymore - or who i want to be.
i used to be so curious about everything and i would go on crazy adventures to those curiosities.
i've given up now. i simply don't care anymore. i am tired of searching and looking for answers. i was sure only two months ago - what changed? why the hell did i let myself do this?
perhaps my search is over and i've found the answer, but i am not accepting the answer? everyone is telling me my answer is otherwise, and that i don't know anything. perhaps, perhaps not. i did feel fully confident with the answer only just two months ago. so why do i keep letting myself do this?
i want so awfully bad to be accepted by everyone in my life, and i'm afraid i'm letting myself give up on my thoughts, ideas and feelings for them.
it's ironic... i'm willing to throw myself away to have myself accepted? if i rid of who i am, what is left to be accepted?
nothing, yes?
so i am contradicting myself.
the question is this...
am i willing to lose who i am to be loved and accepted?
or
do i remain true and learn to be lonely?
7 comments:
I believe a better question would be: Am I happy with who I am, and Is that the only reason I might need to change?
I know so many people who are dealing with the same thing right now, and I've dealt with it for years as well. Only now am I finally learning to accept myself for who I am. The answer lies in yourself and God. You are never truly alone, that's for sure, even if it feels like it at time. God loves you for who you are. You are amazing, Katy. The sad thing is that not everyone in your life is going to accept and love you for who you are, because they are too insecure about themselves. The hard thing is learning to let go and not care what people think. Only then can you truly be yourself and be happy. Once you embrace who you are and learn to love it, you will find people who love you for it as well.
And if it's of any help, just know that you are a wonderful girl! I think you're amazing and that you most definitely do NOT need to change. I love you for who you are and there are so many out there who love you for who you are too. :) don't ever forget that!
Other people won't make you happy if you're not happy with yourself. True friends will know who you are and love and accept you anyway.
Why would you have to choose?
Those aren't the only extremes. Those who truly love you will accept you for who you are, just make sure that you make the right choices.
The definition of repentance is that you abandon an old way of thinking and lifestyle for a better one. Sometimes in life it's necessary to make a few changes it doesn't mean that we aren't being loyal to ourselves or contradicting ourselves. Repentance can be an extremely painful experience but it's necessary for our happiness, the worst thing we can tell ourselves is that we don't need it because then we stop progressing.
You should know that you have friends who will always be your friends no matter what you do, say, or become. Conditional love is not His love.
Ditto what Matthew said, but I'm going to add a "I love you" to it. ;) I love your freakin' guts Kathryn Perry!!!! :D
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