you know the question, 'if you could choose one super power, what would it be?'
well, m'friends, i'm here to give you that answer.
if i could have any super power, i would never ever have to go to the bathroom ever, ever, ever again.
no bladder, no bowels, no toilets.
i know how strange and uncomfortable this may be for you to be reading this right now, but allow me to enlighten you...
tell me, how many times do you go to the bathroom everyday? and tell me, how much time would that add up in a week? a month? A YEAR? A LIFETIME?
so much wasted time, no? and yet, it's a sad and disgusting necessity of the weak human race. think of the time you could use instead of those daily, unavoidable visits with your dear little john. and think of how many trees one could save because there would be no need for toilet paper. and what about the water, oh holy mother of pearl, the water!
think of it, a world with absolutely no worry of it over-flowing, no diapers, no toilet cleaners, no "lighting matches", no waiting in long lines at restaurants and stores, no looking like an idiot doing the potty dance, no laughing so hard you almost pee your pants, no looking for the nearest gas station, no waking up in the middle of the night because nature calls, and most importantly, Mr. Rogers, (remember Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood?) would not have died of bladder cancer. what a nightmare.
so you see, i'm not that weird.
if i had a super power, i would just never ever go to the loo again...ever.
Oh, dear, has it been that long? Alright, well I guess there's not much time to doddle, let's get to it, then!
oh, but where to begin?
okay, let's see, um...
- I've developed an obsessive magazine collection. Vogue, Marie Claire, Oprah, Elle, Woman's Day, others...
Yes, I know, this is not an entirely proper way to begin a-hello-&-welcome-back-here's-a-quick-look-into-my-wild-&-extremely-strange-life kind of blog post, but I happen to have the lovely face of Keira Knightly staring at me from the October Vogue right beside me - 'twas the first thing that I thought of.
- I've discovered I have social anxiety. Yes, I know, again not exactly the right thing to say to hit off a long over-due post. But, true.
- Chocolate makes me feel better.
- I am employed.
- Chocolate peppermint truffle candle. A vanilla candle is still my favorite.
My weekends now most usually consist of snuggling in a blankie and listening to sopranos.
- Tea is very much my cup-of-tea. I drink 4-5 cups a day.
-I am very much a glove person. (& a hats person).
- Peppermint gum, peppermint oil, peppermint tea.
- I've discovered I am also an obsessive organizer.
- I really like making lists.
- Insurance is gross. Pardon, I should rephrase - paying for insurance is gross.
- Taxes are gross. period.
- I've discovered there are so many people who believe in me. like a lot.
-I believe in people.
- I believe this list is beginning to be much too long.
In a nutshell, my life has been delightful - not eventful, but delightful, all the same.
And I'm happy to be back. Whether anyone reads my blog again, it doesn't matter, it's something I love. It's something for me.
But, if you are here, reading after all this time...
you are awesome.
side note: am I only one who is noticing a lot of 'chocolate' & 'peppermint' in this post?